You know you had too much Sherlock when
by I'm Nova
Summary: What it says on the tin :-)
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't think it's necessary here, but as you know, I own nothing mentioned here. Actually, if BBC reads this, it may start considering laying claim to me instead..._

_A.N. Number 4, 5, 6 and 7 are courtesy of my dearest muse Ennui Enigma. If you wish to contribute with your own experiences (at least mine really happened, to my shame – not really) I will happily add another chapter. P.S. will have spoilers – well, hinting at – The Sign of Thre, as well as a confession someone might have already read on my tumblr account. _

**You know you've had too much BBC!Sherlock when...**

You do the opposite of your spellcheck and instinctively correct in your mind any written Microsoft to Mycroft.

Seeing the Belstaff brand on a shop window makes you smile like a dazed idiot.

If you see in a park a fake pirate ship for children to play with, you chuckle. In the most severe cases, you might experience short hallucinations of a curly haired kid.

You turn up your coat collar to look cool

You classify the difficulty of problem by the number of nicotine patches it takes

Blue scarves make your heart flip flop

Your friends will no longer play cluedo with you because insist that the rules are wrong

When someone, either in real life or fictional character, upset you deeply enough, you wish you could just consult Jim Moriarty about him. And ask him to be_ creative_ about it.

Even if you didn't care particularly for it before (maybe even if you hated it? I wouldn't know) you suddenly find the violin unbearably sexy. Pavlov was right.

Strolling alone under the rain, if you see someone who might be unsavoury (but maybe you're just paranoid), you lament your lack of foresight, sure that Mycroft's brolly would make a much better impromptu weapon than yours.

You research random chemical elements' properties (if not quite as hands-on as Sherlock) and find it fun, if only for obscure allusions to canon.

Your new treadmill's serial number ends in 221...and it feels like fate, so you smile like an idiot.

You can't hear _Staying alive_, even by a ridiculuous imitator, without having to suppress a shiver ,or having images of being on top of the roof of high buildings!

You start to torment your hair when you're upset (it does make things better – slightly!).

You see the book _The full cupboard of life_ by Alexander Mc Call Smith in its italian translation, whose title actually means _Tea is always an answer,_ and your first reaction is, "Do you concur too?". Then you check the author, read "is a Rhodesian-born Scottish writer and Emeritus Professor of Medical Law at the University of Edinburgh", fixate on "Scottish" and "Medical" and say to yourself, "There's a trend here!" :D

You discover (from a fellow writer) that a flower called _Iris Reichenbachi_i actually exists in northeast Greece and you wonder if Moriarty survived and decided to relocate to Macedonia since he feels like Alexander the Great...

Surfing tv channels, you see the name Michael Moriarty of an actor (and on the mistery channel to boot) and get the urge to phone Interpol or someone. Even if it isn't James. Then you check him on Wiki, read he doubled as a politician, and get even more suspicious for some reason. But it is when you read, "A website called Michael Moriarty Unofficial, Unauthorized, Unsanctioned Home Page contains editorials by Moriarty, and these, in addition to posts on ESR, contain scathing denunciations of an eclectic array of targets, including [...] Sir Arthur Conan Doyle" that you do decide he must be some sort of grandchild (grandnephew?) and that if NSA has to spy on someone you fervently hope they check on him too. Just as a precaution. XD

on Thesaurus . com you see the slideshow "11 Mustache Monikers for Movember" and wonder if they too are getting all hyped about season 3. Then read it and get frustrated because out of 11 terms for mustaches, beards and sideburns there isn't the right word for John's mustache in season 3. Oh well. It will be known as Watson style.

Seeing an advert for lessons about how to become a private detective, you stop and ponder. But you don't because you'd end up investigating adulteries most likely:-)

You read from the corner of the eye "DA TESTARE" in block letters (meaning " to be tested") and have to turn and reread because you'v read "Lestrade" something.

_P.S. After The Sign of Three, you're doubly ecstatic about said treadmill. It isn't as high class as Mycroft's – far from it – but hey you have somethig in common! And speaking of treadmills..._  
><em>I was on it and had the radio blaring. I left it (and the room) for a moment, and when I was back Staying alive 'welcomed' me. ...And before any conscious thought had time to form, I very quickly backtracked out of the room with the vague feeling that it was dangerous and finding cover wouldn't go amiss. Then I realized what I was doing. BBC branded my hypotalamus. I'm ruined.<br>_


	2. Chapter 2

_Late, but I didn't have much contribution from you all. Am I really the only one whose obsession blends into real life? Only exceptions: the last one is courtesy of OfTardisesAngelsandScarves, the third comes from Cobalt_Flame on AO3._

Any talk of hedgehogs makes you smile (and it's really beyond you why one would want to drive them away for the sake of measly vegetables).

You read CAPS LOCK on the key and suddenly realize that you're a Freudian slip and an open mind away from renaming it the Deerstalker key (Caps lock - Lock's cap).

You will never ever ever ever be able to order the Naked Benedict eggs at brunch with a straight face again.

When you see an automatic cigarettes vendor, you are compelled to count how many are on offer, even knowing that not everyone will have different tobacco (80, btw).

You see on tumblr a tiger chasing a laser pointer and wonder exactly on which side of the camera Sebastian Moran is supposed to be.

You can't use the word owe, especially "I owe you [insert thing]" without getting the urge immediately after to reword it or apologize for your sentence.

You reread all astronomical theories and/or facts as metaphors about Sherlock characters.

You overhear (Big Bang theory, episode Isolation permutation), "My friends locked me in the sauna with a horny otter" and your reaction is, "Are you _complaining_ about it?" Then you have to force yourself to recognize that she meant actual, four legged otter, and that it wasn't heavenly at all as your nucleus accumbens insists.

Anything ending in -lock feels like an AU. Even Duralock written on a pack of batteries. Wonder which kind that would be.

You hear that London cabs are the best in the world (apparently someone makes a classification for these things too) and wonder if they accounted for really everything...risks to the passengers' life too, just to name something at random.

You miss your grandma's funeral and since you haven't actually seen her dead you keep dreaming that she's faked her death.

You find on a website the "Are you a sociopath?" test and wonder if Sherlock self-diagnosed that way.

You read in a parody issue of a webcomic (City of the Dead Sorcerer, fyi) how to brew a Luck Potion. Since it requires (together with coffee, yoghurt and a few other ingredients) "Slime's Eyeball" floating on top of the potion, which then needs to be microwaved, you LOL and then wonder if Sherlock's experiments might be less scientific than he claims.

When the radio announces Misread (by Kings of Convenience) you hear Mystrade and have a short 'uh?' moment.

Strolling by the quay you see a boat named "the detective" and out of all the detectives in the universe your mind goes automatically to one consulting detective.

When your father (who is not a fan of Sherlock - one of many flaws) spontaneously calls his own memory a database at your asking 'and now where did this come from?' you fight the urge to tell him that he has no brain cells enough to claim the metaphor. He could be Anderson at best (yes, he has his moments of surprising brightness too.)

Someone proposes an 'experiment' and you're all 'God yes!'.

You're distracted, not watching the telly as the rest of your family, but even knowing they're on a documentary-themed channel overhearing 'Adler' makes you perk up and inquire what's happening on tv.

Even distracted, overhearing 'wounded in Afghanistan' (the telly again) makes you ask, "who?" with the faint expectations of good things to come.

You start making Sherlock versions of songs without even realizing it. Like, "I wanna stand under Mycroft's umbrella-ella-ella-ella..."

_Bonus: Last chapter I said that Michael Moriarty was an actor for a crime show and surprised me. Well, that crime show (Law and Order) has an (African-American) actor too whose name is Richard Brooks. Seeing in the opening sequence the two names coming up one after another was spooky. (I know. Brooks is not Brook. Details. Still...)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Still having too much Sherlock...more for you. First comes from AbegaylTanner, second from Book girl fan, third from Sendai. Thank you so much! Hope you enjoy!_

I can't watch "Karate Kid" without hearing "Wats-on; Wats-off" rather than wax on; wax off. It comes from looking for random cheesy Sherlock jokes and coming across a meme that stated clearly "I was Wats-off, but then you turned me Wats-on" with a picture of the gorgeous Martin Freeman

'Every time someone is standing close to you, you want to say "Can I just flick your face?"

I get strangely excited when anyone says the word deduce or deduction.

You hear someone on tv say he was so absorbed in what he was doing that he didn't notice a friend had left and texted him two hours later asking where he was. It makes you giggle and wonder if this might be 'the other one'.

Anything bee-related spawns retirement!lock images.

A lucky cat inside a chinese restaurant suddemly seems sinister.

You hear Sherlock's music theme and turn abruptly to seek the source. (It ends up being a moment of an investigative journalism tv show, sadly.)

You see a number of kettles in a shop and wonder why one would buy a new one unless marrying/moving. Then you remember all the ones JOhn probably bought to replace contaminated ones and add "accidents" to the list of motivations.

Your favorite site to read lyrics from becomes liricsfreak because Sally Donovan.

When the word of the day on Thesaurus . com is a synonym for changeable, you smile. What can you say? You did miss Jim. A lot.

You lick your lips then scold yourself and tell yourself to stop John Watsoning.

You see a violin in a secondhand shop and it makes you smile.

You have to restrain yourself from buying hedgehog decorated plates. It is hard.

You read a book title proclaiming, "John dies at the end," (by David Wong) and have the strong urge to protest. Vehemently. Even if obviously it isn't our John.

You find a pink phone in a shop and it makes you smile. Then you notice that there's written 'bloggie' and Genderswapped AU enters your head. Maybe Joan Watson would like it.

Vivienne Westwood's fashion makes you uneasy for a moment. Even bridal gowns (I hope Jim never put one on!).

You use a beach towel with a tiger on to feel in Sebastian Moran's embrace (he's at least as hot as John).

Even when Andrew Scott plays in a comedy, seeing him makes you uneasy and you expect him to flip and organize a murder. (You might slightly want it - he's just so sexy in criminal consultant mode.)

The mail from exchangelock read "Sherlock Holmes" as sender and it absolutely makes your day.

Scotland Yard is on the news and you wave grinning at the building.


	4. Chapter 4

_A.N. Thank you for the great response! I loved hearing your own too-much-Sherlock moments too. The first eight are from MoriartyLives, the ninth and tenth come from An Escaped Rabbit, and the following one is courtesy of Thegirlwhowaited97 I just adapted the format some for evenness sake. _

At school you start deducing your teachers and students

You say Sherlock quotes whenever you can

221 isn't just a number to you

You subconsciously put your hands together like Sherlock when you are thinking

When you see an apple you get the urge to scratch into it

You will never think of fairy tales the same again.

When your mom tells you to do something you say "Not my division."

You legitimately create for yourself a mind palace

When you checked the word count on your story "The Alphabet For Dummies" before editing, it read 2218. The 8 looked just like a B. You went into a fangirling fit.

Fellow shippers will imagine what happened when… your sister tells you she learned about John Locke in history class!

When you're out somewhere, like a mall or grocery store, you try and deduce everyone you see, and if you get something right, you do a little inner victory dance.

You hear about a woman who defended herself with an umbrella from a machete-wielding deranged man and wonder if she took lessons from Mycroft.

You consider buying a hedgehog plushie in the IKEA kids section. Then give up because he doesn't look enough like a certain someone (all his spines are deflated).

An advert for the Magic Cane (it really exists. It has a LED light, too) makes you smile and think of a certain ex-captain.

You're watching The Name of the Rose and you mishear Adso as Hudson and it throws you for a loop.

While shopping, you see pirate themed cupcake decorations and your first thought is 'Kidlock birthday!'

A relative decides to skip a meal and you reply, "You're not Sherlock Holmes and anyway you have no case going presently. Stop being silly and eat".

You hear about a F1 pilot named Magnussen and it startles you.

You already sign your texts (not everyone is obligated to have your number memorized) though not by initials and it makes you happy because Sherlock does, too.

Surfing TV you find someone demonstrating bondage and hear her say, "Irene and I always have a lot of fun together," and it makes you giggle. Maybe it's not Miss Adler, but apparently the name brings some interests with it.

You discover that five different plants (Magnolia, African Corkwood, Australian Rainforest Tree, Indian Almond and Octopus tree) are called "umbrella tree" and you just know Mycroft owns them (maybe in bonsai form).


	5. Chapter 5

_And here we are again! My Sherlock addiction never abates…Last one comes from sassybandgirl on Tumblr_.

You hear NSY will move from their location and your first thought is "Hope they don't misplace any evidence. Then again, it might be the right occasion for Sherlock to help himself to some..."

You buy one of Jane Austen's unfinished works because it's named "The Watsons". And after reading the plot (the usual, with young girls needing a husband badly because their family is poor) you promptly dream of Femlock.

Overhearing "consulting" you immediately ask, "Consulting *what*?"

Doing the shopping, you read "Moffat". You go back, and the most similar thing you can find on the shelf is "Muffin". Would that count as evidence if you sued him for damaging your psyche, you wonder? (Not that you don't love him for doing that.)

Repeating the shopping list to yourself to remember it, instead of ham and speck you say ham and Sherlock.

A hair product with a straightlock system makes you crack up because that's one AU that will never happen (well, there's the fem!John universe, you suppose...).

When having a proper panic attack (teeth chattering and all) you make tea. With a splash of milk. Because that clearly solves everything in the universe.

Your brother texts you from the other room in the flat and it reminds you of Sherlock because you believe that's something he would have done with John, headcanon as it might be.

Thinking about the great fanfic writer mrspencil you mistakenly call her in your head mrs. Hudson.

In a bookstore you pick up Hopkirk's book called the Great Game because you just *have to* know what it's about. And when you read it's about Afghanistan, and England, and Russia, you think "close enough." Not Moriarty maybe, but John and Sebastian would be there after all.

Reading Nero Wolfe you discover the hedgehog omelet and feel the need to find the recipe.

You see canes in an antique shop and it makes you think of ACD canon Watson.

You consider going to movies after a long time nothing appeals to you because there's Moriarty...well, Andrew Scott between the protagonists.

You hear about Isaiah saying Babylon will become a heritage for the hedgehog and it stems biblical Sherlock AUs (probably blasphemous, I'll give you that).

On a quiz show, a player named Sebastian having to imitate a tiger's roar makes you giggle.

You hear that a London study determined that bored people are more likely to die from heart problems and you're so sure that Sherlock would quote it to John.

When you go to the supermarket sometimes you pretend that you're together with John Watson (you both have problems with chip and pin machines after all).

You see an advert for a movie called, "The Iceman," and you immediately reply, "Mycroft!"

You hear an art critic saying that one of the two ways art is created is "by the supreme reason, which becomes the supreme sentiment", and it feels so very much like the summary of a Johnlock fanfic.

You subconsciously put together your hands when thinking.


	6. Chapter 6

_The fourth instance is by Salexa, the fifth by TyanataDraven, the seventh by 1butterfly_grl1. I heart the Hitachiin twins offered the whole block from eighth to twelfth. Marx the spot mentioned the thirteenth. The fourteenth comes from my precious beta Ennui Enigma. The last two (and inspiration for the sixth) are courtesy of my dear Sendai. _

You hear a showman saying, "I'm not gay" and it sends you into a giggling fit.

Finding a black quill makes you think of winglock.

With daisies instead of "he loves me – he loves me not" you play "Johnlock will be canon – Johnlock won't be canon". FYI, the answers were canon thrice and not canon once.

You keep wondering when they are going to get Sherlock in to solve difficult cases (for example the Hatton Garden robbery).

Anytime you hear Disco, specifically the BeeGees, you look around for Andrew Scott. You even can't help but commenting by mentioning Moffat at other people's Bee Gees ringtones. Luckily they smile back.

A friend reminds you that the hedgehog omelette contains jam and you start wondering about time travel, precognition or multiple universes, in an effort to find a way to make the Nero Wolfe recipe actually inspired by John Watson.

You meet some Aussies on vacation, and bin the trash, rather than throwing it away.

All of your avatars look like Sherlock characters.

You buy a blue scarf and trench coat on impulse.

You meet another Sherlockian, and the both of you speak almost entirely in quote.

Someone says mouri (pronounced mow-ri) and you intently think of Moriarty.

You call that friend who follows you around John or Watson when you want them to follow you.

You start, "Who's the John and who's the Sherlock in the relationship" when you talk to couples.

You see a Janus Cat at the museum's Ripley's Believe it or not and you immediately think of Janus Cars from the Great Game.

You usually despise interior design tv shows, but overhearing "Victorian house" makes you perk up and watch intently.

Hearing about otters used as help by fishermen makes you giggle like mad and spawn AUs.

You discover the Abarth 500 Tiger, one actual orange and black striped car, and you just know that Jim bought one for Sebby.

Seeing on a market stall the Jolly Roger (pirate flag) you immediately imagine a delighted kid Sherlock wanting it.

You go to a baseball game and imagine that the catcher is John and the pitcher is Sherlock from the story "The Bang and the Clatter" by earlgreytea68, and take pictures of "John" and "Sherlock".

You keep track of street signs and take pictures of them when you find a Holmes road/street/avenue. Up till now you've collected a Johnny's Way, a Watson Lane, one Anderson Road and Baker and Hudson Streets, but you're on the lookout for more.


End file.
